Outsider

It's weird how I always feel self concious about writing a blog, a blog that no one reads mind you, but I hold nothing back on a Facebook post. Why is that?

Perhaps because this is a more composed medium, as opposed to errant thoughts that I so casually throw out there?

It's gotten to the point where people have told me in the last few days that I'm always on Facebook, or that I post too much, and even though they're right, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

But tell me to sit in front of this one empty screen with editing tools, an orange icon that says, "Publish Post" and a blinking cursor that seems to pulse faster, impatiently waiting for me to fill it's unlimited amount of space with whatever stupidity I feel like writing...and I choke.

Why is that?

Nothing, just some words to describe how I feel.

I look for you in color daydreams
I look for you in lovers' arms after late night hours set in

and when the lines blur my confidence soars high
my self respect sinks low

No matter who I'm with, I call to you.

So hazy, you're a mist that never sets in.
A 3am phone call, but an empty heart's length away

You keep me chained to you
calling out to me with the loving words that feed my soul
Yet like a pet tied to a post, my chain is never long enough to reach my goal.

I yearn for you to hold me,
for you to call me yours.
I feel you in my being,
your taste still lingers on my tongue

Quiet.

I thought I felt like blogging, but not so much anymore. I wish I could stop thinking, just lay still and listen to myself breathe. You know, like when you go underwater, minus the running thoughts in my head. Everything's muffled underwater. I could live with that.